I can explain…
I certainly didn’t mean to do it, and it all started out so innocently.
It was Sam’s Christmas Party last night. I didn’t really want to go but Sam insisted, even if I only went for a couple of hours. “You can’t sit indoors and brood over a boy,” she had proclaimed.
So there I was, just standing in the kitchen and hiding from all those polite questions. “Isn’t Ed with you?’ they’d asked, throwing me looks of pity when I explained that, after a year of being practically joined at the hip, he had decided to take a break and see other people.
So there I was, just standing in the kitchen and taking a breather from the embarrassment and pity, when the noise and bright lights of the party appeared to dim as in walked Ed with her. Everything seemed to stop as I watched her take his hand in an obvious, proprietorial gesture. He’s mine now, she seemed to say. We only split up last week and now he was here with her!
She looked across the room into the kitchen, and her eyes met mine. Her face said it all, smug and challenging at the same time. Then I heard her voice, loud and carping as it carried across the room. “I am so glad his ex-girlfriend isn’t here. It would have been so awkward for me.” I stepped behind the door, instinctively hiding once again from the embarrassment.
I looked down at my hands and realised I was holding the heavy glass punch bowl. I watched in fascination as I saw my hands rising upwards as I stepped onto a conveniently placed chair. Before I knew what had happened, the punch bowl was balanced on the top of the door frame.
Seconds later I stepped out from behind the door and watched as she entered the kitchen, pulling Ed along behind her and obviously in search of a drink. As she pushed the door further open, the heavy punch bowl shuddered and wobbled before falling down straight onto her head. The heavy bowl struck her head at an angle and the sticky contents flowed copiously over head and shoulders as she stood gasping and spluttering like a fish out of water.
As I said, I didn’t mean to do it – but it felt so good…