Monthly Archives

April 2016

Short story - Humour

Living with a…

I’ve decided to allot myself a time limit to write this ‘brief’ as all the good articles on creative writing say that’s the best way to operate – and the guaranteed way to avoid writers’ block. And I’m a bit of an enthusiast for methods that work… So that’s what I’m going to do. Complete this in ten minutes…

Right, so the brief for our writing is ‘Living with A…’ – I’ve got loads of good ideas for this theme. I’ll just type the heading nicely first: ‘Living with A…

Hmmm… Not sure I like that font – doesn’t seem to do the subject justice somehow. It’s not too bad in bold – and let’s try it in italics. What would it look like in Times Roman – no, too boring. It’s amazing how many fonts there are these days. Let’s try this one: oh yes! Looks quite kinky in ar darling… ‘AR Darling’ – whoever heard of writing called AR Darling? No, scrap that… Doesn’t look as if I’m taking the subject seriously in that font… I’ll go back to Calibri.

Right… ‘Living with A…’ (in Calibri). Oh lord, the dog’s barking… Suppose I’d better let her out. Come on dog, out we go. The garden’s looking quite nice in the sun – though there are quite a few weeds around after that rain and the grass has gone mad… There, that bed looks much smarter now I’ve taken those weeds out… And the garden looks so much nicer with the lawn mown. Alan Titchmarsh would be proud. And the dog smells wonderful after her bath.

Right back to the brief. Where was I? Oh yes, I’ve done the heading: ‘Living with A…’ (still in Calibri, typing with grass-stained fingers smelling of dog shampoo). All that mowing has made me thirsty. I’ll just get a cup of coffee before I start as caffeine’s good for the brain, not too much caffeine, but the odd couple of cups a day can’t hurt. Shouldn’t have made that water so hot… My tongue’s lost all its feeling. While I wait for the coffee to cool down I’ll just wash up these few breakfast things… There, the kitchen looks so much better now I’ve tidied it, and that Febreze stuff has definitely worked on the curtains. I really do think I prefer the walls in this light shade… Should have painted them long ago… Took a while to get that paint stain off the floor though.

Right… Settle down now… ‘Living with A…’ (in Calibri, typing with Febreze- and dog shampoo-smelling, grass- and paint-stained fingers). Yes I know exactly what I’m going to write – ideas are flowing through my brain like water through a sieve. Ooh sieve – that reminds me. Must take the chicken out of the freezer for dinner. Why would a sieve remind me of dinner? Isn’t it funny how the brain makes random connections?

‘Living with A’ (in Calibri bold and italicised, typing with Febreze- and dog shampoo-smelling, paint- and grass-stained frozen fingers). That freezer took longer to defrost and clean than I thought it would. Never tried typing with numb fingers before. It’s more difficult than one might think. That ice had really built up in the freezer. Surely it wasn’t that long ago since I last did it?

Right – I think that heading looks quite good in Segoe Script – quite artistic. Is that how it’s pronounced – SeeGo? Segooi?

Living with A…’ (in Segoe script)… Oh no, there’s the phone… Just when I was getting in the zone… I’ll ignore it… All those writing articles insist on ignoring distractions – no, can’t do that, it might be important… Too late… They’ve rung off. I’ll just take a peak and see if there’s a message. Yep there is – it’s that lady from the WI… What’s she saying? ‘Could I give my ‘Time Management’ workshop to the Amersham ladies next week? Oh bother it… I’ll have to call her back. I’ll write this ‘Living with a… Procrastination Expert’ tomorrow.